Autopilot

You know that feeling of being in autopilot? The one where you see, hear and do everything just the same, but your mind is somewhere else. Like driving home from work, driving to a friend’s house, the grocery store, even to church? Or how about on your lunch break and opening Facebook or Instagram and aimlessly giving your thumb an extra exercise for the day, scrolling through all the updates? Or maybe it’s your job, the same repetitive task day in and day out? 

Confession: I am guilty on all accounts.

(a view, I pray I never get used to)

Even after being in a new place for only 4 months, I have fallen back into the trap of being in autopilot, of being stuck in a routine- not a physical routine, but a thoughtless routine. At first, transitioning here had its challenges; searching for a job, finding my way around the city, every move I made was attentive. Then, as I begun to find my way around and settle in about 2 months ago, my autopilot came on, unintentionally.

At first when I noticed this, I was excited to feel like I was finally able to call Tampa home- knowing how to get from point A to B to C back to A was refreshing knowledge. However, my pride in my new found knowledge quickly humiliated me. A few weeks ago, I found myself stuck in parade traffic in downtown Tampa. Not knowing where I was or how I had gotten myself into this mess, I turned to my best friend, my iPhone. It rescued me from the traffic that the Pirates had brought to my city, all thanks to my handy-dandy smartphone. (Sorry, mom, I think I used the majority of our data last month).

Other examples of my humiliation include the weather and my job, but those stories are for a different time, because I can only bear so much of this at once.

The mindlessness of my actions got me to thinking about my mindlessness when it comes to my walk with the Lord (yes, there is always a spiritual implication even in our mindlessness). I don’t know about you, but I’d rather not end up just anywhere, but somewhere on purpose. (Thanks Pastor Aaron. The rest of y’all can check it out from 1/26/14).  This was confirmed when I opened my Bible to Matthew 13 today, I recommend the whole chapter, but this part sums it up nicely:

"This is why I speak to them in parables, because seeing they do not see, and hearing they do not hear, nor do they understand. Indeed, in their case the prophecy of Isaiah is fulfilled that says:'"You will indeed hear but never understand,and you will indeed see but never perceive.”For this people's heart has grown dull,and with their ears they can barely hear,and their eyes they have closed,lest they should see with their eyesand hear with their earsand understand with their heartand turn, and I would heal them.’But blessed are your eyes, for they see, and your ears, for they hear. For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it." 

~Matthew 13:14-17

Lord, how many times have I heard and not understood?

How many times have my eyes been open, but blind to what you’re doing?

How many times has my heart touched and become calloused?

Lord, only you have power to open my eyes, and soften my calloused heart.

only you.

Lord, how many times have you taught me your ways?

How many times must I learn again?

Lord, thank you for your patience, grace I am unworthy to receive.

You are slowly crafting me uniquely for a time such as this, for a place such as this, for a work such as this.

Help me, O God, to be resourceful with the things that you have given to me.

Lord, you know my heart; I don’t want to live in autopilot. I want this tiny life of mine to be a part of your greater story, to shine in dark places.

Jesus, you have taught me to hear your voice, will you teach me again? Will you remind me what your voice sounds like, what your heart feels like, what your eyes see?

You have already challenged me to break a routine. Moving across the country, yes, but also to challenge my creativity in these...

(check out this very talented friend of mine)

You have challenged me to be a part of a church where I am learning all over how to make friends (hey, new friends, thanks for reading my blog).

Lord, only you can transform this autopilot life and turn it into something that is intentional, thoughtful and focused.

Help me Jesus to take my thoughts captive and to only think of things that are true, and honorable, and just, and pure, and lovely, and admirable, and praiseworthy.

Only by your mercy and grace Lord.